My Favourite Martian

I've only been a qualified teacher for just under three years, which is no time at all. So, if you asked me what I am, at heart, I'd say an actor. Now, we know my career-the period when I had an agent and went up for auditions and toured with productions- was also quite a brief one, before I entered the call centre world. But on the other hand, I acted in plays for almost twenty years. The majority were "non-professional": that is, unpaid and sometimes of a dubious standard (it took me a long time to realise what professionalism meant with a lot of growing up in public). Still- proposed for Equity membership by Robert Carlyle; eight Shakespeares; Ibsen; Wilde; Miller; Orton; Berkoff. I'm quite proud of my C.V.

2004:  Twelfth Night directed by Bruce Downie. That bad Gap top is now on the web forever...

  It'll be five years this summer since my last show (Much Ado) and I don't get  the opportunity to see much theatre here in the Pictish Wilderness. Last Saturday, however, I went to Eden Court in Inverness to see the National Theatre of Scotland's Appointment with the Wicker Man.

I started out as a director in student theatre and I had a bit of a flair for casting. Comedian Raymond Mearns and Belle and Sebastian's Stevie Jackson worked on A Lie of the Mind for me. I also did a bit of writing for radio in the mid-90s and some tv extra work. In the late 90s, my acting teacher Robin Wilson and I hatched gin-fuelled plans for a spoof show called Ski Sluts from Glenshee in which a tourist resort hosted a film crew making a 60s spy caper, like Matt Helm or Our Man Flint.We anticipated Austin Powers by about a year. Sluts was an overly-ambitious and arch joke about kitschy genres and Scottish popular culture. Robin produced it at the Fringe in 2001 by which time it had become less convoluted but more lewd and chaotic. It did get one good review, however: http://hairline.org.uk/2001/08/15/ski-sluts-from-glenshee/

Wicker Man reminded me completely of Sluts. The main draws were Greg Hemphill and Paul Riley from Still Game (I've done that, too) and hirsute Sean Biggerstaff from the Harry Potter franchise. The show's premise involves a rural AmDram company mounting a version of the Britflick horror, starring a pretentious but insecure young tv cop. 
The NTS had thrown a lot of money at it but while it claimed to be both a celebration of a cult movie and of Scottish variety theatre, the tone was indecisive and the frantic mugging grew quite wearing. A Postmodern gag that felt too stretched over two acts. There were successful aspects, of course, especially the fake programme and the finale song (a Stock Aitken and Waterman parody mixed with Edward Woodward's cries of "Oh Christ! No!"). But I wonder if the irony of  playing a show about Scottish parochialism to thirty people in "The Gateway to the Highlands" was lost on the cast.


The following day I went to the Moray Playhouse to see John Carter. I began to re-read the Edgar Rice Burroughs novels last summer, originally coming to them thirty years ago from DC's Weird Worlds series.

 
So far, The Gods of Mars is the most hectic and exciting although Thuvia is the most concise and satisfying. Chessmen has the most bizarre premise but suffers from a limp ending.
I was well-aware of the negativity surrounding the film which is baffling but ill-informed. This is an impressive and rounded adaptation of a first-time writer's hundred-year-old pulp adventure, with all that implies.
It's an enjoyable fantasy adventure that, while it changes time period twice in the early scenes and gives Carter the backstory of The Outlaw Josey Wales, puts a logical sci-fi spin on some elements of ERB's wish-fulfilment narrative.

The unfortunately-named Taylor Kitsch is an authentic comic-book Carter although he growls some dialogue into inaudibility but Lynn Collins' Dejah Thoris is a sympathetic and dynamic character: a distinct improvement on  the passive, unapproachable goddess of the books. The CGI Martians (gruff, loyal Tars Tarkas and the frankly adorable Woola) add an element of otherworldly charm and the battle scenes are monumental.
Mark Strong's Matai Shang and The Holy Therns of Gods of Mars are positioned as an interplanetary conspiracy, replacing the sabotaged atmosphere plant climax of Princess of Mars. This enables director Andrew Stanton to wrap up the movie while still leaving a sequel option open. 
However, I don't expect one; just yesterday I saw an almost-gleeful headline that said Carter was going to be the biggest cinematic flop of all time. The Sunday Herald reviewer, meanwhile, wanted something more dark and adult, which is entirely the wrong idea and as such, succinctly highlights the problem with the Sunday Herald . If you enjoy the sword-and-planet genre, however, or have fond memories of Harryhausen or Doug McClure movies in the 70s, you will be entertained by John Carter.


That was my 125th post on Place! Coming soon: more Big Finish Dr. Who audios and Charlie Higson's zombies.


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